(Un)touched grass
I was going to go out and touch grass today, but drafted subtext on (social) media literacy instead
(first draft written just now, may be edited or deleted later)
I was going to go out and touch grass today but someone was wrong on the internet which I had to address because I need to feel important like that.
Me, I'm a good person.
I was going to go out and touch grass today but then someone asked a question on social media and although I did not have an answer and in fact knew and know naff all about the topic concerned, I googled/binged/chatGPT'ed/DuckDuckWent for an unhelpful and possibly incorrect response not rooted in any actual experience or study, because whoever posted the question would never have been capable of doing so themselves.
Me, I'm a good person.
I was going to go out and touch grass today but then I realised I had to check my social media accounts for all the new followers I gained and make sure I followed them all back.
Never mind that I may never have quality engagement with any of them, it looks good on my profile.
Never mind how this will enable potentially harmful users to extend their visibility and reach on the platform, which in turn may increase rage bait, engagement bait, misinformation and disinformation on the site, they boost my numbers (and my ego).
Never mind other users who don't follow back everyone who follows them yet perfectly manage to genuinely engage with other people (and probably more so than I do), they are wrong.
Me, I'm a nice, kind person who politely follows back.
I was going to go out and touch grass today but I had to create at least a dozen of social media accounts where I must post (bad screenshots of) outdated Facebook memes and debunked Twitter posts that will drive engagement and gain followers until the accounts are big enough to sell or repurpose with nefarious intent.
Me, I am not a good person but I just need to you think you are or will bee seen as one by following those accounts and reposting those posts.
I was going to go out and touch grass today but then I realised one of my social media profiles is by now having the kind of following and reach that I can craft something to post that will seem controversial without me myself actually being controversial and having to accept any accountability for the arguments that will erupt in my replies which will drive my engagement to online virality so I can feel even more important and popular.
Me, I’m not a good person but I need at least a sense of some sort of success, however warped.
I am about to go outside and touch grass today while you repost my social media posts because I asked you kindly to "like and share" them and you are blind to my willingness to commodify any Serious and Important Topic™ for no other purpose than to develop my 'personal brand' and drive my online visibility.
Me, I am not a good person yet I cherish a need to be seen as one and you seem to need the validation that you are a good person by liking and reposting about these Serious and Important Topics™.
Subscriptions to this Substack are free but… you can hit the Subscribe button below to receive an email any time I post something on Substack, or you can hit the other button below to buy me a coffee, or… do both!
Only ever so slightly related, but still: